Life

Hello there ! Returned back to writing after a while and phew, that required a lot of motivation .. 

As it is said, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. I can relate everything to this phrase. Life is as one looks at it and feels it. I touch it, I experience life. I laugh, I feel life. I get wet in rain, I see the beauty of life. I see kids running around, smiling, giggling, innocence and here my name, I feel alive. 

I have changed, people who remember me from 5 years ago, relate to me now as more mature, philosophical, deep thinker, intellectual and uptight. I was surprised to hear them, have I really changed ? if yes, Why ? Was there something that deep inside I regret or find myself guilty about which pushed me to change my entire personality. 

The honest person that I am, I answered it with affirmation and when I pondered deep inside me, I heard the answer that I hadn't forgiven myself and was punishing, torturing, condemning myself to the demeaning behavior. Reason - I am my biggest critic. I lived my life on my own terms and conditions, daredevil, risk taker and lively but, I changed myself to gain an acceptance in someone's life which apparently didn't work out however, I continued punishing myself by running the story in my head. People moved on, situations changed but, I stood there. Today, I stumbled upon a acquaintance from a strange country and he said what happened to the girl who was 5 years ago, why did you kill her ? 

I just realized that I was hating myself for the things which I did, decisions I took and never thinking it through before jumping right into it. I lost my spontaneity, excitement and zeal for life. I may have lost years to close the struggle happening in my heart and mind, but as they say it is never too late. 

I forgave myself and fell in love with me again. Love yourself, believe yourself and trust your instincts. If you feel something is wrong, it is. If you feel that you need to do something, go ahead and do it. Only person you are answerable to in this world, is yourself. I am sure whoever is reading this, might say in their minds, we told you so !!

Let the world stand against you but, if you have an instinct about something, then go for it ! Life is ridiculously short to fret over anything.. 

If anyone I know is reading this and see me going back to my old ways of criticizing myself then ping me, nudge me or hit me and remind me to return back to myself.